KICHWANGUMU

A small boy, after being beaten by his mom (sitting sadly) was asked by his  Dad: What happened son? Kid: Dad, I just can’t put up with your wife anymore… I want my own wife!  

Kama wazee hawa walithubutu kusimama kwenye msururu mrefu hivi ili wapige kura, itakushinda nini kusimama foleni na kupiga kura ! C hondechonde watanzania tukapige kura,mabadiliko yataletwa na kura yako. K atika picha hapo juu wa nne kushoto ni  Baba wa Taifa letu, Mwalimu Julius Kambarage Nyerere akiwa kwenye foleni ya kupiga kura.

An insect fell in a mug of beer: Englishman  : Throws the beer out and walks out of the bar American  : Throws the insect out and drinks his beer Chinese :  Throws the beer out and eats the insect Indian :  Sells the beer to the American, insect to the Chinese and buys a new beer Pakistani  :-- Accuses Indian of throwing the insect in the beer

Woman 1 :  I had a fine evening, how was yours? Woman 2:  it was a disaster. My husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours? Woman 1 :  Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour .  When we came home he lit the candles around the house and afterwards talked for an hour. It was like a fairytale! At the same time, their husbands are talking at work. Husband 1 :  How was your evening? Husband 2 :  Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate and fell asleep. It was great! What about you? Husband 1 :  It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner because they cut the electricity because I hadn't paid the bill; so I had to take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn't have money left for a cab. We had to walk home which took an hour; and when we got home remember there was no elec...

A blind man walks into a little restaurant and sits down. The owner walks up to him and hands him a menu. I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a fork used by a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from there."   A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath.’Ah, yes, that's what I'll have--meatloaf and mashed potatoes."   Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen and tells his wife Gladys, the cook, what just happened.  The blind man eats and leaves. Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again.   “Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man." ‘I'm sorry! I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a fork." The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings i...

The husband and his young wife were not on good terms. In fact the wife was convinced that he was carrying on with the pretty housemaid, so she laid a trap. One evening she suddenly sent Somalatha home for the weekend, and didn't inform the husband. That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the old story: "Excuse me my dear........my stomach," and disappeared towards the bathroom. The wife promptly dashed along the corridor, up the back stairs, into the maid's bed. She just had time to switch the lights off when in he came silently............ He wasted no time or words but quickly took out his willy, and got on top of her. When he finished and still panting, the wife said " You didn't expect to find me in this bed did you!!" and switched on the light. "No indeed, Madam" said the gardener!!!.

  A man is stopped by the police at midnight and asked where he’s going. “I’m on the way to listen to a lecture about the effects of alcohol and drug abuse on the human body .”      The policeman asks, “Really? And who’s going to give a lecture at this time of night?    “My wife”

Rugaimukamu: Hivi Rweyongeza, kare katoto kako Gozbert kako wapi siku hizi? maana nakumbuka karikuwa dull darasani mwenzake Albert ni daktari bingwa sasa! Muchunguzi: Ee Albert kumbe ni mtaaram. Rweyongeza: aa Gozbert yupo, yeye kazi yake ni kuwahudumia wagonjwa warioshindwa na madaktari bingwa! Rugaimukamu: mmmm (BAADA YA Rugaimukamu kuondoka ) Muchunguzi: Eee Rweyongeza, nirishindwa kukuuriza mbere ya Rugaimukamu, sasa kama Gozbert anahudumia wagonjwa warioshindwa na madaktari bingwa, yeye ni nani? Rweyongeza: Aaa unajua Ka Gozbert hakakusoma hivyo kanachimba makaburi!

Wired reports that the “gross insecurity” of high-tech locks has been exposed. Several different expensive, modern locks with advanced design concepts proved ineffective against the efforts of Marc Weber Tobias, Toby Bluzmanis, and Matt Fiddler, who have been exposing the poor security design of physical locks at DefCon for years. The most egregious example appears to be the $200 Biolock Model 333. It provides a fingerprint reader as its main selling point, but also features a remote for locking and unlocking and a physical key in case the fingerprint reader fails to unlock the door for its user. The whole biometric selling point was trivially bypassed, however, by simply inserting a straightened paper clip into the keyhole. The sort of lockpicking practiced by locksmiths (and private investigators in the world of TV shows and movies) is not required; the whole process simply involves pushing the paperclip into the keyhole and turning the handle. Kwa habari zaidi BOF...

Tanzanian Journalist to participate in "Edward R. Murrow Program" Jacqueline Mosha, a journalist for "The Guardian," met Acting Public Affairs Officer Roberto Quiroz II at the U.S. Embassy on October 20, 2010 to discuss her upcoming visit to the United States of America. Ms. Mosha will represent Tanzania at the three-week “Edward R. Murrow Program for Journalists” sponsored by the American people from October 25 - November 12, 2010 in the U.S.

Wadau, Nimetoka kuingia katika website ya NEC ambapo nimeweka nambari yangu ya mpiga kura na kuweza kupata online status ya wapi kituo changu kinapatikana. Taarifa niliyoipata kwenye web pamoja na email niliyotumiwa ni sahihi kwa asilimia 100. Napendekeza sote tutizame status zetu ili kuepukana na disappointments za dakika za mwisho. Hii itazidi kutupa uhakika wa kupiga kura zetu sahihi siku hiyo ya tarehe 31 Oct 2010. Link ya kufuata ni hii… http://www.nec.go.tz/?modules=gallery&sub

wadau... tarehe ya leo ni 20 - 10 - 2010 . yaani 20th October, 2010. inependeza!!!

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second Mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." He turned to the third mom. "Your obsession is alcohol and your child's name is Brandy." At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go"

LEO NI TAREHE KUMI MWEZI WA KUMI MWAKA ELFU MBILI NA KUMI. YAANI 10 - 10 - 10, AU 10TH OCTOBER, 2010...

A friend of mine told me a story about  when he was a kid he was in the hospital & nearly dying.  His  grandmother came to the hospital & told a family member to go buy her a large onion & a new pair of white cotton socks.  She sliced the onion open then put a slice on the bottom of each of his feet & put the white cotton socks on him.  In the morning when he awoke they removed the socks.  The slices of onion were black & his fever was gone.  The following story that someone sent to me might have some truth in it & we are going to try it this winter. In 1919 when the flu killed 40  million people there was this Doctor that visited the many  farmers to see if he could help them combat the flu. Many of the farmers and their family had contracted it and  many died. The doctor came upon this one farmer and to his surprise,  everyone was very healthy. When the doctor asked what  the farmer was doing t...

Did you know that, "IF YOU CAN'T EXCEL WITH TALENT, TRIUMPH WITH EFFORT....." by Mugaga Mugyabuso

That this month OCTOBER,2010 has 5 Fridays,5 Saturdays, and 5 Sundays, all in one month. This only happens once in 823 years.

  WASHINGTON – Astronomers say they have for the first time spotted a planet beyond our own in what is sometimes called the Goldilocks zone for life: Not too hot, not too cold. Juuuust right. Not too far from its star, not too close. So it could contain liquid water. The planet itself is neither too big nor too small for the proper surface, gravity and atmosphere. It's just right. Just like Earth.  "This really is the first Goldilocks planet," said co-discoverer R. Paul Butler of the Carnegie Institution of Washington. [Related: Seven best places to sleep under the stars] The new planet sits smack in the middle of what astronomers refer to as the habitable zone, unlike any of the nearly 500 other planets astronomers have found outside our solar system. And it is in our galactic neighborhood, suggesting that plenty of Earth-like planets circle other stars. Finding a planet that could potentially ...