KICHWANGUMU

A first-grade teacher, Ms Neelam (Age 28) was having trouble with one of her students The teacher asked, "Boy what is your problem?" Boy answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!" Ms Neelam had enough. She took Boy to the principal's office. While Boy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed. Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. Principal: "What is 3x3?" Boy: "9" Principal: "What is 6x6?" Boy: "36" And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells he...

Kuna tukio nililiona MAISHANI:Acheni niwape heshima iliyotukuka wanawake woote;HEBU IMAGINE: ANAKUFUMANIA: Analia, ananyamaza, anasononeka, unambembeleza anakuelewa anakusamehe halafu anasahau!!! UNAZAA NJE YA NDOA: Anasononeka na kulia sana. Anakuchukia lakini baadaye anakusamehe. Halafu analea mtoto uliyemzaa nje kwa upendo. Kama ni kuchukiwa atachukiwa mtoto, si wewe uliyefanya umalaya! UNARUDI USIKU WA MANANE UKIWA MTUNGIZZ: Anakukaribisha, anakuandalia chakula, unagoma kula. Anahifadhi chakula alichokuandalia bila manung'uniko. UNAAMKA ASUBUHI NA MAHANGOVER: Anakuandalia staftahi (saa nyingine unagoma kutumia staftahi yake unakimbilia baa kwenda kunywa Supu na kuzimua. Wala halalamiki! CHAKULA CHA USIKU: Ushapiga mtungi wako, unataka huduma. Unamrukia, hamna maandalizi unamuumiza. Anavumilia ili akuridhishe. Na kesho yake tena inaweza tokea hii; hana kinyongo! UNAJIANDAA KWENDA KIBARUANI: Unakuta kashakuandalia viwalo, suruwale imenyooshwa kama...

A blind man walks into a little restaurant and sits down. The owner walks up to him and hands him a menu. im sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a fork used by a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from there."   A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath.’Ah, yes, that's what I'll have--meatloaf and mashed potatoes."   Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen and tells his wife Gladys, the cook, what just happened.  The blind man eats and leaves. Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again.   “Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man." ‘I'm sorry! I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a fork." The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the ...

One truck driver was doing his usual delivery to IMH (Institute of mental health). He discovered a flat tyre when he was about to go home. He jacked up the truck and took the flat tyre down. When he was about to fix the spare tyre, he accidentally dropped all the bolts into the drain.. As he can't fish the bolts out, he started to panic.   One patient happened to walk past and asked the driver what happened. The driver thought to himself, since there's nothing much he can do; he told the patient the whole incident. The patient laughed at him & said "can't even fix such a simple problem.... no wonder you are destined to be a truck driver..."  Here's what you can do, take one bolt each from the other 3 tyres and fix it onto this tyre. Then drive to the nearest workshop and replace the missing ones, easy as that" The driver was very impressed and asked  "You're so smart but why are you here at the IMH?"   Patient replied: "Hell...

  boozing... from top to bottom

PRESIDENT Robert Mugabe says South Africa, Nigeria and Gabon were “naive” to vote for a United Nations Security Council resolution which has been used by Western countries to carry out a sustained bombardment of Libya. “Our African countries were naïve, absolutely naïve, to vote with the West when the West had its interests, you know, its own motives ... ulterior motives,” Mugabe said in an interview with the Southern Times newspaper. “These motives include wanting to re-occupy our countries. They are in search of our resources, in search of political control. It's now the reversal of the freedoms that we attained through various struggles, in some cases political but in others armed struggles.” Here is a recap of the whole interview: “We should by now have been very much aware that these aggressors and colonisers of yesterday had not repented, relented on their past ways of relating to us, and that they were still enemies,” “We are see...

 a result, the young man was arrested. Once upon a time an old man spread rumors that his neighbor was a thief. Days later the young man was proven innocent. After been released he sued the old man for wrongly accusing him. In court the old man told the Judge: 'They were just comments, didn't harm anyone..' The judge, before passing sentence on the case, told the old man: 'Write all the things you said about him on a piece of paper. Cut them up and on the way home, throw the pieces of paper out. Tomorrow, come back to hear the sentence.' The next day, the judge told the old man: 'Before receiving the sentence, you will have to go out and gather all the pieces of paper that you threw out yesterday.' The old man said: 'I can't do that! The wind spread them and I won't know where to find them.' The judge then replied: 'The same way, simple comments may destroy the honor of a man to such an extent that one is not able to f...

There was a little boy visiting his grandparents on their farm. He was given a slingshot to play with. He practiced in the woods but he could never hit his targets. Getting a little discouraged, he headed back for dinner. As he was walking back he saw his Grandma's pet duck. Just on impulse, he let the slingshot fly. He hit the duck square in the head and killed it. He was shocked and grieved. In a panic he hid the dead duck in a wood pile only to see his sister watching. Sally had seen it all but she said nothing. After lunch that day Grandma said 'Sally let's wash the dishes,' but Sally said 'Grandma, Johnny told me he wanted to help in the kitchen.' Then she whispered to him 'remember the duck.' So, Johnny did the dishes. Later that day, Grandpa asked if the children wanted to go fishing. Grandma said 'I'm sorry, but I need Sally to help make supper.' But Sally just smiled and said 'well, that's all right because Johnny ...

If you have a wonderful wife who helps balance your whole world, who isn't perfect but is perfect for you, who works hard and would do anything for you, who makes you laugh and drives you crazy, who's your best friend, your soulmate and who you want to grow old with, who you are thankful for every day and who you could never live without, brag about her very much and post this as your status!!!! By Jay Madeleka on his face-book page 20th May, 2011

  Joyce Dlamini and Dand Tshama during their wedding day at Soweto Home for the aged in Central Western Jabavu in Soweto .

Wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6."   Short time later the husband walks in with 6 cartons of milk.   Wife asks him, "Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"   He replied, "They had eggs."

Pastor: "If there is anybody here that does not want this couple to be joined together in holy matrimony, he or she should speak out now." A  man from the extreme end of the church stood up and walked towards the altar. As the bride saw the man coming closer, she fainted. The bridegroom and the whole congregation were in confusion. When the man got to the front, the pastor asked, "why don't you want these people to  be joined together?" Man: "I could not hear your voice clearly from the back sir, so I decided to come and tell you that the speaker is faulty!!!!

It has come to our attention that some of you are reporting for duty while under the influence of alcohol. To clear the air, you are required to answer the question below. In which direction is this car going..? If you cannot tell, you must be drunk !!! GO HOME YOU CANT WORK IN THIS STATE !!!!!!!!!!!!!