KICHWANGUMU

By Ikunda F. DSM Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that's where you get shitty ideas from……. So please Just release it……..!

Ama Kweli, ukistaajabu ya Mussa...

...Idiots...

"Ukiwa na tumbo la kuhara, usijaribu kujamba..." na Charles Hillary, Miller Bar, Shekilango road, DSM

A Husband and his wife agreed that anytime they want to have sex, they will call it a 'PHONE CALL' so that the kids will not decode. One day, the husband sent his son to tell his mother that he wants to make a phone call.  Mother replies: Tell your father that the Network is bad today. Husband: Tell your mother that if there is no Network at home, I will go to the "Public Phone". Wife sent back, tell your father that if he dares goes to a Public Phone, then I will open a " Call Center "at home !! ==================================================== Two things in life that are difficult to achieve:-  1. To plant your idea in someones head 2. To plant someones money in your own pocket - He who succeeds in the former - we call teacher; - He who succeeds with the latter - we call boss. - The one who succeeds in both - we call wife; - The one who fails in both - we call husband.

The Story of Koko A. Bassey, MD. As she stood in front of her primary 5 class on the very first day of school, she told the children an untruth. Like most teachers, she looked at her pupils and said that she loved them all the same. However, that was impossible, because there in the front row, slumped in his seat, was a little boy named Koko Bassey.   Mrs. Thompson had watched Koko the year before and noticed that he did not play well with the other children, that his clothes were messy and that he constantly needed a bath. In addition, Koko could be unpleasant. It got to the point where Mrs. Thompson would actually take delight in marking his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X's and then putting a big "F" at the top of his papers.   At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was required to review each child's past records and she put Koko's off until last. However, when she reviewed his file, she was in for a surprise.   Koko'

*1. *Never say ‘I am aged' : There are three ages, chronological , biological , and psychological . The first is calculated based on our date of birth ; the second is determined by the health conditions and the third is how old you feel you are. While we don't have control over the first, we can take care of our health with good diet, exercise and a cheerful attitude. A positive attitude and optimistic thinking can reverse the third age. *2. *Health is wealth : If you really love your kith and kin, taking care of your health should be your priority. Thus, you will not be a burden to them. Have an annual health check-up and take the prescribed medicines regularly. Do take health insurance cover. *3. * Money is important : Money is essential for meeting the basic necessities of life, keeping good health and earning family respect and security. Don't spend beyond your means even for your children. You have lived for them all through and it is

1. If you are right, then there is no need to get angry. And if you are wrong then you don't have any right to get angry. 2. Patience with family is love Patience with others is respect. Patience with self is confidence. 3. Never think hard about past, It brings tears. Don't think more about future, It brings fears. Live this moment with a smile, It brings cheers... 4. Every test in our life makes us bitter or better. Every problem comes to make us or break us. Choice is ours, whether we become victim or victorious. 5. Search a beautiful heart, not a beautiful face. Beautiful things are not always good, but good things are always beautiful.

By J. Shumbusho, USA. A man who just died is delivered to a Kentucky mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. Bubba the mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out that the man does look very good in the black suit he is already wearing. The widow however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives Bubba a blank check and says, ‘I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.' The woman returns the next day for the viewing. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly. She says to Bubba, 'Whatever the cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?' To her astonishment, Bubba presents her with the blank check. 'Dere's no charge,' he

Lawmakers mock Obama claim on Libya hostilities:- WASHINGTON (AP) — Republicans and Democrats on Thursday derided President Barack Obama's claim that U.S. air attacks against Libya do not constitute hostilities and demanded that the commander in chief seek congressional approval for the 3-month-old military operation. In an escalating constitutional fight, House of Representatives Speaker John Boehner, a Republican, threatened to withhold money for the mission, pitting a Congress eager to exercise its power of the purse against a dug-in White House. The Ohio Republican signaled that the House could take action as early as next week. Story zaidi bofya hapa... at the same time, Son says Gaddafi ready for an election, rules out exile:- Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi is ready to relinquish his post after an election but will not be swayed to go into exile. Saif al-Islam, the second son of the strong man, in a report by Corriere della Sera on Thursday said that his father wou

Cockroach is afraid of a rat... Rat is afraid of cat... cat of dog...dog of man...man of his wife and wife is again afraid of cockroach!

Na mwandishi wetu, Dodoma. THE Controller and Auditor General (CAG), Ludovick Utuoh, has urged the government to rethink plans to privatise key state-run companies, warning that the loss of state ownership and control over such firms could undermine the country's independence and put the national economy under serious risk. Utuoh cited the national flag carrier, Air Tanzania, and power utility Tanzania Electric Supply Company (TANESCO) among the nation's prized assets, saying the government should not sell these public companies come what may. In his latest annual general report on the audit of public authorities and other state-run bodies for the 2009/10 financial year, the CAG warned that the sale of strategic parastatals to profit-hungry private investors was an ill-advised move. He said sensitive public companies should remain in 100 percent government ownership and ought to be struck off the list of state-run firms specified for privatisation. "

1. This year, July has 5 Fridays , 5 Saturdays and 5 Sundays. This happens once every 823 years 2. This year we're going to experience four unusual dates:- 1/1/11, 1/11/11, 11/1/11 , and 11/11/11 . 3. Further take the last two digits of the year in which you were born - now add the age you will be this year, the results will be 111 for everyone in whole world. KICHWANGUMU.

This is a true story which happened in the States. A man came out of his home to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement, his three-year-old son was happily hammering dents into the shiny paint of the truck. The man ran to his son, knocked him away, hammered the little boy's hands into pulp as punishment. When the father calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital. Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he finally had to amputate the fingers from both the boy's hands. When the boy woke up from the surgery & saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently said, " Daddy, I'm sorry about your truck." Then he asked, "but when are my fingers going to grow back?" The father went home & committed suicide. Think about this story the next time someone steps on your feet or u wish to take revenge. Think first before u lose your patience with someone u love. Trucks can be repaired.. Broken bones & hurt feelings often c

A Lady board a bus carrying her baby,seats next to a man,she starts to breastfeed the baby, The baby refuses to suckle,she yells at the baby…. .”ebu nyonya ama nimpatie huyu uncle ako hapa”….the kid suckles for a while then stops, Mum yells again……”nimekwambia unyonye ama nimpe uncle?? ....This happens about 5 times, and suddenly the man shouts at the lady…. …”MADAM MAKE UP UR MIND COZ NILIKUA NISHUKE 30MIN AGO….!!!