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A guy is walking down the street and sees Little Johnny smoking a cigarette. He says, "Kid, you're too young to smoke."   Johnny looks up But doesn't say anything. The man asks, "Son, how old are you?" Little Johnny says, "Six." Stunned, the man says, "Six!? When did you start smoking?" Johnny replies, "Right after the first time I had sex." "Right after the first time you had sex? When was that?" Little Johnny answers, "I don't remember. I was drunk."

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favour?" "Of course. What may I do for you?" "Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday. The dryer is unopened and well over the Customs limits; and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?" "I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie." "With your honest face, Father, no one will question you." When they reached the Customs area, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked: "Father, do you have anything to declare?" "From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare." The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?" "I have a marvellous...

Na Chiku Haidari, DSM.    Wakati watu wanagombania kupanda kwenye basi la Mbagala kama kawaida yao, bibi mmoja alipanda bila shida akapata siti. Baada ya muda konda akamuuliza "bibi unalia nini sasa?" Bibi akajibu "ninalia kwa furaha sababu miaka yote 25 niliyoishi Mbagala sijawahi kupata siti" konda akamshangaa kisha akamwambia "Haya bibi pisha siti ya dereva hiyo"

A doctor entered the hospital in hurry after being called in for an urgent surgery. He answered the call asap, changed his clothes & went directly to the surgery block. He found the boy's father pacing in the hall waiting for the doctor. On seeing him, the dad yelled: "Why did U take all this time to come? Don't U know that my son's life is in danger? Don't U have any sense of responsibility?" The doctor smiled & said: "I am sorry, I wasn't in the hospital & I came as fast as I could after receiving the call...... And now, I wish you'd calm down so that I can do my work" "Calm down?! What if your son was in this room right now, would U calm down? If your own son dies now what will U do??" said the father angrily The doctor smiled again & replied: "I will say what Job said in the Holy Bible! "From dust we came & to dust we return, blessed be the name of God". “Doct...

Naitafutia picha hii maneno siyapati. Je, ni mchezo wa kuigiza au UKWELI? Kama ni maigizo, nani alikubali mwanae afanywe hivyo? Kama ni kweli, huyu baba ana akili timamu? TAFAKARI...

Na Chiku Haidari, DSM. Bakhili muuza duka alimuona mwanawe anaangalia sana shampoo kwenye shelf, Basi baba alipofunga duka akamchukua mwanawe kwa kinyozi akaamuru anyolewe kipara.......   Mtoto aliporudi nyumbani akamweleza mamake kisa chote kwamba katizama shampoo kanyolewa nywele kipara: Mama akamwambia mtoto shukuru una bahati, laiti ungetizama dawa ya meno ungen'golewa meno yote.

Na Mwandishi wetu, DSM. Uchunguzi wa kuaminika uliofanyika katika maduka mengi Dar, Moro na miji kadhaa mingine umegundua kuwa wauza nyama wamekuwa wakifanya mchezo hatari wa kupulizia nyama sumu za kuua wadudu ili kuzuia inzi. Sumu zinazotumika sana sana ambazo watu wengi hutumia kuua mbu ni rungu, Hatari, expel, Baygon, Hit, doom na nyinginezo. Katika maduka mengi siku hizi ukienda utaona nyama imetundikwa sehemu ya wazi lakini hakuna inzi. Wafanyabiashara wa nyama wameona kuwa hiyo ndiyo mbinu ya kuvutia wateja ambao wengi hawapendi kununua nyama ambayo imekaliwa na inzi. Uchunguzi huo ulifanyika kwa kuwauliza wauza nyama ambao baadhi walikiri kufanya hivyo ili kuvutia biashara. Uchunguzi pia umebaini kuwa pamoja na kufanya zoezi hilo kwa usiri mkubwa, baadhi ya wanunuzi wamekuwa makini kwa kuinusa nyama wanayonunua, kwani kwa kufanya hivyo harufu ya 'sumu' huwa dhahiri. Napenda kuwatahadharisha tunapoenda kununua nyama tuwe makini, maana madawa haya jap...

  huwezi kubakiza kitu ndani ya Chinese restaurant... NOMA! appetite ya ajabu...   Kitu cha prawns na ma-vegetables...   Hiyo ni vegetable-prawns rice... UPOZ?   Supu kama hii ni muhimu kuanza nayo...   Pili pili na mambo yake souce... na chini ndio mboga yenyewe .

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None.", replied Johnny. "'cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking." Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one Licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married? Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?" "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you are thinking". The Teacher Fainted...

Our Staff Correspondent, Zimbabwe . MASVINGO, Zimbambwe - In a development that has shocked many people in Masvingo, a Mwenezi widow has been made pregnant by her son, whom she says she now wants to marry. Betty Mbereko (40), who was widowed 12 years ago, has been cohabiting with her first child Farai Mbereko (23), and says she prefers him to her late husband's young brothers. Now six months pregnant, Betty said she had decided that it was better to "marry" Farai because she did not want to marry her late husband's young brothers, whom she said were coveting her. The two appeared before a village court last week and Betty stunned the villagers when she said the love affair with her son had begun three years earlier. The Weekend Tribune attended the court session where Betty poured out her love for her son, who is 17 years her junior. She said after spending a lot of money sending Farai to school following the death of her husband, she felt she had ...

  This is Stacey Herald, 35, who is just 2ft 4in tall and who suffers from Osteogenesis Imperfecta, a genetic bone disorder. This disorder provokes severe respiratory problems due to underdeveloped lungs. She has already two daughters with her husband Will who have outgrown their mother. The first girl has the same condition as her mother; the second one is completely healthy.   The third baby they are awaiting is a boy. The family is very thrilled.   Stacy is risking her life to have this baby as well as she did while she was pregnant with the girls. Doctors say that when the baby gets very large, it would eventually crush her organs, strangling her from the inside out. But Stacy and Will hope that the pregnancy will go smooth and 4 weeks from now they will have a beautiful baby boy.