KICHWANGUMU

Na mwandishi wetu, DSM A husband and wife came for counseling after 20 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 20 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage. Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?" The husband thought for a moment and replied, "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays,...

Na Mwandishi Wetu DSM

Na David 'Bob' Mosha DSM. KATIKA MAISHA KILA MTU ANA VIPAUMBELE VYAKE... SUALA LA KURIDHIKA HUTEGEMEA UNA KIPAUMBELE GANI... HIVYO BASI, KAMA UNAPENDA GARI ZURI NA UWEZO KIDOG0, NUNUA GARI ZURI NA MOYO URIDHIKE... UNAPOISHI SIO TATIZO, TATIZO NI KURIDHIKA! KAMA UNAPENDA 'SATELITE TELEVISION' NUNUA, FUNGA KWENYE NYUMBA HIYO HIYO UNAYOISHI! KURIDHIKA NDIO TUNACHOHITAJI ZAIDI.

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't me an they don't love you with all they have.. Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love... I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt r...

WHAT IS HE LOOKING FOR ????

KUNA MDAU KAOMBA SANA NIMTOLEE MASWALI YAKE YANAYOMTATIZA... AMEOMBA EMAIL TUBANE... WADAU TUNASUBIRI MAJIBU. 1. Kama hela haioti kwenye miti, kwanini bank zina matawi? 2. Kwanini gundi haigandi kwenye chupa yake? 3. Kama tunatakiwa tusi-drive wakati tumekunywa, kwanini bar kuna parking? 4. Kama neno ‘abbreviation’ linamaanisha ufupisho, kwanini lenyewe ni refu hivyo? 5. Kama tunatakiwa kufanya sex ndani ya ndoa 2, kwanini tunabalehe kabla ya kufunga ndoa? KAZI KWENU...

Na Mwandishi wetu MAREKANI Mungu aepushie mbali hili balaa...

Na Mwandishi wetu AMERIKA Mungu Baba Mwenyezi, atuepushie mbali zahama (BALAA) hili. God Forbid! Mungu ibariki Tanzania, Mungu ibariki Afrika.

Na Mwandishi wetu, DSM. It turns out that there's a scientific and logical explanation for why people (mostly men) spend so much time in pubs and only get home in the early hours of the morning. The reason for this odd behavior is based on Einstein's famous Relativity Theory. It works like this: It is a well known fact that the more you drink, the faster you move. After about 8 beers (or 4 double brandies & coke, etc), you're moving at close to the speed of light, and this is where Einstein enters the picture. According to his Relativity Theory, any body moving at, or close to the speed of light, undergoes Time Dilation, i.e. time for you in the pub passes slower than for an observer outside the pub. Complicated calculations have shown that the pub becomes a type of time machine:- for every half-hour spent inside the pub, something like two hours pass outside the pub. A typical situation is: "OK guys, it's 8 o'clock, I'm gonna surprise the family and ge...

Kwa kweli imependeza...

Silent Generation are people born before 1946. - The Baby Boomers are people born between 1946 and 1959. - Generation X are people born between 1960 and 1979. - Generation Y are people born between 1980 and 1995. Why do we call the last one generation Y? I did not know, but a cartoonist explains it eloquently here... Learned something new today! did you understand now? KAAZI KWELI KWELI...

Na Mwandishi wetu DSM Is Sex just Plain Fun? The current answer is 'NO' there are plenty of advantages to sex than having fun... start the story. Abraham Lincoln once said, “No matter how much cats fight, there always seems to be plenty of kittens”. Sex is not only the ultimate way to make up after a fight (together with an outright apology) but it is also one of mankind’s oldest pastimes and definitely one of the most pleasurable. One may wonder though if there are any benefits to having sex. The answer is yes. The benefits of sex are numerous. Sex can not only be a wonderful way to spend a morning, afternoon and/or evening but it can also help with certain health issues that concern all of us. You know that our well-being depends on a healthy diet and exercise, but did you know that sex can help you to:  Lose weight  Reduce stress  Lower cholesterol levels  Improve circulation  Live longer  Stay younger The Benefits of Sex:- Maintain Ideal Body Weight Many people work o...

Little John was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything... tutors, mentors, flash cards, special learning centres. In short, everything they could think of to help his math. Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Sipho down and enrolled him In the local Catholic school. After the first day, little John came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying. Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little John was hard at work. His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner. To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books hard as before. This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference. Finally, little John brought home his report Card.. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books. With g...

Ajali hii ilitokea mkoani dar es salaam maeneo ya kunduchi siku chache zilizopita saa za asubuhi wakati wa pilika za kuwahi kazini. Chanzo cha ajali kinaaminika ni kuchomekewa na dala dala... 'sijui tutawafanyaje madereva wa dala dala, taksi na bajaj...' POLE SANA MDAU NA MKE WAKO MPENDWA...

Dear Mr. Bill Gates, We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice. 1. There is a button 'Start' but there is no 'Stop' button. We request you to check this. 2. One doubt is whether any 'Re-scooter' is available in system? I find only 'Re-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home. 3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this 'find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem. 4. My child learnt 'Microsoft Word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that? 5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'My Computer': when you will provide the remaining items? 6.. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my pho...

During a wedding reception ; the groom was called upon to give his vote of thanks to his guests and this is what he came up with: 1. I want to first of all thank the Lord Almighty for creating my wife and to also thank the pastor and his wife for lending us their wedding rings. 2. Special appreciation to my landlord who lent us his car. 3. I am most grateful to my boss for approving the loan I used for my wedding suit. 4. Big thanks to the committee of friends for the appeal fund they raised on my behalf. 5. Also to my brother's wife, thank you for lending us your wedding gown and to my sister for lending her shoes to my wife. 6. Am so grateful to the cake designer for the cake. I promised to return it tomorrow morning as agreed without cutting or eating out of it. 7. Special thanks to my friends who brought food from their homes to help me feed you all. Please for those who were served food good luck and for Those who didn't get any, well we will make it up to you during our c...