KICHWANGUMU

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rome went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said: "Father, during World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic." The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that." "There is more to tell, Father... She started to repay me with sexual favors. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays." The priest said, "That was a very long time ago! and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger. but two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven." "Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. I do however have one more

By David 'Bob' Mosha DSM A hater is someone who is jealous and envious and spends all their time trying to make you look small so they can look tall. They are very negative people to say the least. Nothing is ever good enough! When you make your mark, you will always attract some haters... That's why you have to be careful with whom you share your blessings and your dreams, because some folk can't handle seeing you blessed... It's dangerous to be like somebody else... If God wanted you to be like somebody else, He would have given you what He gave them! Right? You never know what people have gone through to get what they have... The problem I have with haters is that they see my glory, but they don't know my story... If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, you can rest assured that the water bill is higher there too! We've all got some haters among us! Some people envy you because you can: a) Have a relationship with God b) Light

Kwa hapa bongo mpaka vikosi vyote hivyo vifike, na viwe na vifaa kamili... sijui... naona giza tuu...

Dubai kuna mambo... ukiwa nazo sana ni shida... wengine hata mikokoteni hawana, lakini wengine wanatengeneza magari kwa 'BRONZE'... DUH!

A man plant trees in his area at the village Individuals who will plant trees in their respective areas will be rewarded with cash starting next April. Director of Forestry and Beekeeping in the Ministry of Natural Resources and Tourism Dr Felician Kilahama made the revelation when speaking to journalists in Dar es Salaam yesterday. Dr. Kilahama said the move aimed at motivating people to plant more trees to avert deforestation, as well as addressing poverty levels in the country. According to Kilahama, the payment per one planted tree would be between USD 5 and USD 6. He said the programme would be sponsored by the Norwegian government. For his part, Deputy Minister for Ministry of Tourism and Natural Resources Ezekiel Maige said most regions were seriously affected by deforestation in such a way that the government had to take serious steps to curb the problem. “Almost all the regions have been affected. There is need to mount an awareness campaign on the ravages of deforestation, an

Ndugu wapendwa, Story ifuatayo ni ya kweli maana imenitokea mimi binafsi jana tarehe 11/11/2009. Najua kwa kiasi fulani itakuwa inaninizalilisha kwa kutokuwa makini lakini naona ni vyema niwashirikishe rafiki zangu ili msije mkatapeliwa kama mimi na wengine wengi wameshatapeliwa kama vile ndugu yake Galeba, laiti Galeba angeweza kutuelezea yaliyomsibu ndugu yake labda na mimi ningeweza kuepuka utapeli huu. Kinchosikitisha matapeli wenyewe ni watu wanaotufahamu vizuri. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ SOMA NA UZINGATIE... ==================================================================================== Mnamo muda wa saa tano asubuhi nikiwa nyumbani (nipo likizo) nikapokea simu nisiyoifahamu kutoka kwa mtu ambaye alijitambulisha ananifahamu, na kwa jinsi alivyonitaja kwa jina na career background details zangu sikuwa na shaka kwamba hanifahamu. Mazungumzo yalikuwa kama ifuatavyo: TAPELI: Mr. Alex Matovu hab

KWA WALE WAWINDAJI WENZANGU, VIPI UKIKUTANA NA HILI KUFI MAENEO YA KISARAWE. IWE NDO UMEINGIA TUU KWA PORI, KIBALI UNACHO CHA NYATI WAWILI, NDIO KWANZA IJUMAA JIONI JIONI HIVI MIDA YA SAA KUMI, NA WEWE UPO MPAKA JUMAPILI JIONI. WAKATI UNAANDA 'RIFLE' YAKO AINA YA 375 AU 3006, UNALIONA KUFI KAMA HILI LINA-KUKODOLEA MACHO... YAANI MPAKA UDENDA UNANTOKA... DUH!

Mpangala na wengineo mpo? Oooh, foleni... haya sasa, mshindwe wenyewe.

A salesman goes up to a house and knocks on the front door. It's opened by a little twelve year-old boy who has a lit cigar in one hand, a glass of whiskey in the other and a Penthouse magazine tucked under his arm. Salesman: "Hello son. Is your mom or dad home?" Little boy: "What the f*ck do you think?" DUH!!!!

Na mpiga picha wetu kwa Heaven Mosha Masia, Marangu, Moshi. NAWAKUMBUSHA WADAU WOTE WANAOTAKIWA KWENDA KUHESABIWA... MUDA NDIO HUOOOO, UNAKARIBIA. MAANDALIZI YANAPASWA KUWA SAWA KUANZIA MWISHO WA MWEZI HUU. HAPO NDIO TUTAPEANA 'UPDATES' YA KILICHOJIRI TANGU TUACHANE 'LAST YEAR'. KILA LA KHERI MPAKA HAPO BAADAE...

One truck driver was doing his usual delivery to Institute of mental health. He discovered a flat tyre when he was about to go home. He jacked up the truck and took the flat tyre down. When he was about to fix the spare tyre, he accidentally dropped all the bolts into the drain.. As he can't fish the bolts out, he started to panic. One patient happened to walk past and asked the driver what happened. The driver thought to himself, since there's nothing much he can do; he told the patient the whole incident. The patient laughed at him & said "can't even fix such a simple problem.... no wonder you are destined to be a truck driver..." Here's what you can do, take one bolt each from the other 3 tyres and fix it onto this tyre. Then drive to the nearest workshop and replace the missing ones, easy as that" The driver was very impressed and asked "You're so smart but why are you here at the mental institution?" Patient replied: "Hello, I

BOFYA NDANI YA PICHA UISOME KWA UKUBWA. NI MUHIMU SANA WADAU...

Here is the Father of all SUV's, the Knight XV, conceptualized and crafted by the engineers in the American Marine Corps. The Knight XV is priced at $310,000 USD. Only 100 will be made available as a limited first run. Each vehicle takes 1,500 hours to build by hand THE FRONT VIEW THE BACK SIDE VIEW THE DASH-BOARD... NI HATARI... INSIDE VIEW OF THE KNIGHT XV

1. THE KNIGHT XV FRONT VIEW 2. THE KNIGHT XV SIDE VIEW 3. THE KNIGHT XV IN COMPARISON WITH THE HAMMER, YOU CANT BELIEVE HOW SMALL THE HAMMER LOOKS...

1. Which student seems to appear tired / sleepy? 2. Which ones are male twins? 3. Which ones are the female twins? 4. How many women are in the group? 5. Which one is the teacher? 6. Which two just finished a joint? I guess you're not going either. full kufanana kudadadeki!

A suspicious wife posed as a teenager online to catch her husband propositioning girls in a chatroom, Cardiff Crown Court has heard. Cheryl Roberts, 61, pretended to be a 14-year-old girl and was asked by David Roberts, 68, to meet for sex. Roberts admitted engaging in sexual activity in the presence of a child and making and possessing illegal images. He was given a three-year community order and banned from having access in person or online to under 18s. The couple have now split up and are getting divorced. Different computer The court heard that mother-of-two Mrs Roberts became suspicious about the amount of time her husband was spending in his study and of a message which popped up on their computer while he was out. KWA HABARI ZAIDI BOFYA HAPA...

Na Machine Gun DSM This guy's gift to the world is still sounding perfect...especially in conflict zones around the world. MOSCOW - Mikhail Kalashnikov, the Russian inventor of the AK-47 assault rifle, turned 90 Tuesday. Then-Soviet soldier Kalashnikov was inspired to design the weapon after being wounded in 1941 during WWII. While his first attempts were deemed unsuccessful, he was given a position in weapons development, and by 1947 he had perfected his masterpiece. Since then, the AK-47 has become the most widespread and famous assault rifle in history. Used by some 50 armies around the world, as well as countless urban guerrilla movements, it is also featured on the flag of Mozambique. However, despite estimated sales of 100 million, Kalashnikov, who lives in the Western Urals city of Izhevsk, claims not to have profited from the AK-47 and to receive only a state pension. “Without doubt, Mikhail Kalashnikov is the world patriarch of small arms weapons,” the deputy director of R

WATOTO WA SIKU HIZI! NOMA TUPU...

Why keep aspirin by your bedside? There are other symptoms of an heart attack besides the pain on the left arm. One must also be aware of an intense pain on the chin, as well as nausea and lots of sweating, however these symptoms may also occur less frequently. Note: There may be NO pain in the chest during a heart attack. The majority of people (about 60%) who had a heart attack during their sleep, did not wake up. However, if it occurs, the chest pain may wake you up from your deep sleep. If that happens, immediately dissolve two aspirins in your mouth and swallow them with a bit of water. Afterwards: - phone a neighbor or a family member who lives very close by - say "heart attack!" - say that you have taken 2 aspirins.. - take a seat on a chair or sofa near the front door, and wait for their arrival and... ~ do NOT lie down ~ href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnCiFvFgkT0w_9REYeXFeGCmwjsaZg8DkvXL0oIg89Fyeva2Xbvy9ZYp2eBTCLGGUSzj4JlUV5-

Kama madege yanavyotua na kuondoka ndivyo mawazo kuhusu sex huja yenyewe kwa mwanaume! Binadamu hawezi kuwa amekamilika akiwa kimwili na kiroho peke yake bila hisia (emotions). Pia kuna tofauti kubwa sana namna mwanamke na mwanaume wanavyoweza kufanyia kazi emotions kwenye ubongo. Bila kufahamu tofauti hizi kati ya mwanaume na mwanamke wakati mwingine hupelekea suala la mahusiano kati ya mwanamke na mwanaume kuwa na matatizo hasa kutokana na upande mwingine kushindwa kuelewa mwenzake anahitaji nini au kitu gani na wakati gani. Linapokuja suala la emotions mwanamke ana uwanja mkubwa sawa na barabara yenye uwezo wa kupitisha magari 8 kwa wakati mmoja (eight lanes super highway) wakati mwanaume ni sawa na barabara moja ya kwenda kijijini kiasi kwamba magari hata mawili kupishana ni kasheshe. Hii ina maana kwamba kumkumbatia mwanamke huweza kumpa raha na msisimko wa ajabu kihisia na kumsikiliza akiongea humpa raha na kumpa ahuaeni kuliko kawaida. Wakati mwanaume kuongea sa

By Jovin Shumbusho DSM · Talking is cheap until you hire a lawyer to do it for you * Do not run away from rain to hide in a pond of water · When you give a friend a goat, you have to let go of the leash · A woman who wants a child doesn't sleep in her clothes · If you want to smear somebody's face with mud, be prepared to dirty your hands · It's only a dead man who has everybody on his side · Only a goat that is tired of life, invites a lion to dinner · He who never knows where he is going, will never know whether he has arrived * If you don't scale the mountain, you can't view the plain · United we are rock, divided we are sand · It is a foolish fly that is buried with a corpse · Life is like riding a bicycle, you don't fall off unless you stop pedalling · It is not by watching a newly-wed wife that she is going to become pregnant · A dead man does not know the value of his coffin · If you waited for a roasted piece of liver to cool, it will cool in som

By Luke Salkeld British couple are oldest in the world to divorce at age 98 - but man dies before he can enjoy the single life A British man and his wife have become the oldest couple in the world to divorce – at the age of 98. Bertie and Jessie Wood got a decree absolute to end their 36-year marriage when they were both two years away from their 100th birthdays. Both had been married before when they wed in Elstree, Hertfordshire, in 1972. They moved to Falmouth, Cornwall, four years later, but by 2008 the relationship was over. OAP divorce: Bertie and Jessie Wood split at age 98 (picture posed by models) Both were 97 at the time and it is unclear why their marriage failed although a decree absolute is believed to have been granted subsequently. According to neighbours of the former couple, Mrs Wood now lives in a care home. Mr Wood, however, died shortly before he turned 99. Mrs Wood's daughter Pauline Rowe, 65, refused to discuss the split. 'It's too hurtful to talk abou

A huge rock in a village of Al-Hassa region, SAUDI ARABIA raises 11 cms from the ground level once in a year during the month of April and stays elevated for about 30 minutes !!! (CLICK THE PHOTO TO ENLARGE FOR CLARITY VIEWING) They say that 17 years ago, one Mujahid was shot dead behind this rock as he was hidden there. This encounter happened in the month of April 1989. You can see the fresh blood stains on the rock. Most surprisingly, when the rock raises from the ground, these stains become darker, fresher and wet. Local residents tried to wipe off the stains several times, but after some time it appears again on the rock automatically. .... Inashangaza? Maajabu mengine bana... kwa habari zaidi, bofya hapa

Sasa wametuletea vyoo vya ndani ya gari. kwa foleni zetu za dar, huwezi kujua... yawezekana ukahitaji huduma ukiwa bado safarini. hasa siku za mwisho wa wiki au baada ya saa za kazi. wapo jamaa zangu wanakaa ununio lakini starehe wanafanyia mbagala, unategemea nini wakati anarudi 'home' kutokea mbagala?!?!?!?!?!...

Na Julie Mosha Arusha The road to success is not straight. There is a curve called Failure, a loop called Confusion, speed bumps called Friends, red lights called Enemies, caution lights called Family. You will have flats called Jobs. But, if you have a spare called Determination, an engine called Perseverance, insurance called Faith, a driver called Jesus, you will make it to a place called Success. All the best and please be guided...

Na Mwandishi wetu DSM. A young jackaroo from outback Queensland goes off to university, but halfway through the semester he foolishly has squandered all of his money. He calls home. 'Dad,' he says, 'you won't believe what modern education is developing. They actually have a program here in Brisbane that will teach our dog Ol' Blue how to talk.' 'That's amazing!' his Dad says. 'How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?' 'Just send him down here with $2,000,' the young jackaroo says, 'I'll get him in the course.' So .... his father sends the dog and $2,000. About two-thirds through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home. 'So how's Ol' Blue doing, son?' his father wants to know. 'Awesome! Dad, he's talking up a storm. But you just won't believe this. They've had such good results with talking, they've begun to teach the animals how to read.' 'Read?' exclaim

Kama bado huamini, haya...

An official letter to Bank Manager...