KICHWANGUMU

"Every day in Africa a gazelle wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every morning a lion wakes up. It knows that it must outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death. It doesn't matter whether you are a lion or a gazelle. When the sun comes up, you better be running." By J. Shumbusho, DSM, 2011.

Barack Obama, the US President with his family. The picture shows his commitment to family and the country at the same time, especially after office hours. See the office table at the back... rais wa ukweli!

Harusi ya binti wa Zuma. Na Mdau wetu, South Afrca!     I love the rings! They are really cute! saa, bangili... wametokea! Na ile tatoo ya bibi harusi pale mgongoni kiboko! Imedemostrate kwamba kweli yule mtoto anapenda Afrika sio kama wengine wameweka tatoo zenye nembo za kizungu Kuhusu huyo mzee,  mimi naona waandishi wa picha wameamua kutoa zile zinazomhusu tu.  Pale alipokuwa anampleka binti yake kabla hajafunua shela kanisani akiwa kwenye kigari cha utamaduni wameketi ndio paliponiacha hoi.  Sisi huku baba anakuja kivyake mnakutana hapo kwenye mlango wa kanisa anakupeleka alter, anakukabidhi imetoka hiyo,  utamwona tena karibu kidogo na wewe wakati anakupa zawadi.   Hapa mzee kaamua kutoa company toka nyumbani.   Babu kacheza mara ya mwisho (probably),  na mtoto wake kwenye dancing floor kabla hajamilikiwa totaly na huyo mshkaji ambaye naona kwa mangoma naye hajachacha...   Nikiangalia pale recep...

Starting the day with a conversation between a wife and a husband who happens to be a software engineer in the ICT. Husband : (Returning late from work) “Good Evening Dear, I’m now logged in.” Wife: Have you brought the grocery? Husband : Bad command or file name. Wife: But I told you in the morning Husband : Erroneous syntax. Abort? Wife: What about my new TV? Husband : Variable not found… Wife: At least, give me your Credit Card, I want to do some shopping. Husband : Sharing Violation. Access denied… Wife: Do you love me or do you only love computers or are you just being funny? Husband : Too many parameters… Wife: It was a great mistake that I married an idiot like you. Husband : Data type mismatch. Wife: You are useless. Husband : It’s by Default. Wife: What about your Salary? Husband : File in use… Try after some time. Wife: What is my value in the family. Husband : Unknown Virus .

  Men spend almost a year of their lives ogling women. The average man will spend almost 43 minutes a day staring at 10 different women. That adds up to 259 hours almost 11 days each year, making a total 11 months and 11 days between the ages of 18 and 50. But researchers found that the males of the species are not the only ones admiring the opposite sex as women sneak a peek at six men for just over 20 minutes a day, on average. That adds up to almost 6 months spent admiring men from afar between the ages of 18 and 50. The study shows that; Top five areas men look at women: Supermarket; Pub/bar; Nightclub; Work; Shops. Top five areas women look at men: Pub/bar; Shops; On public transport; Supermarket; Work.

Tumezipata muda mfupi uliopita... Mbunge wa Igunga Nd. Rostam Aziz amejiuzulu ubunge, Ujumbe wa Halmashauri Kuu ya CCM na kurudisha kadi ya Chama... hotuba yake ya kujivua gamba aliisoma mbele ya wazee wa mkoa wa Tabora, leo!

Na Mponezya, Kibaha. Three men: a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree.  Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby. "Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, therefore St Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don't know or cannot answer, then you're worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you'll come with me to Hell." The philosopher then stepped up, "OK, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates' teachings," With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil.  The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct. "Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the philosopher disappeared. The mathe...

Two drunks, Santa and Banta, enter a hotel late at night. They approach the clerk, and Santa says, "Could you pleash give ush a bed with two rooms?" "You mean a room with two beds?" asks the clerk. "Whatever, whatever you say." So they get a key and somehow manage to stumble upstairs to their room. After fumbling for ten minutes, they even manage to get their door open. As they stumble inside, the door closes behind them and they are in total darkness. They go forward slowly, and both fall on the bed closest to the door. "Ahh," says Santa, "Now we can get some sleep at last." As they try to rearrange themselves, they suddenly realize that they are not alone in their bed. "Hey! There's somebody in my bed!" says Banta. "There's somebody in my bed too!" says Santa. "Let's get rid of them. We paid for this room and we're going to sleep in the beds!" says Banta. They start a trem...

Broccoli: "I look like a tree." Walnut: "I look like a brain." Mushroom: "I look like an umbrella." Banana: "Dude?! Change the topic”

  the man himself...  the yatch will be parked at breach candy in Mumbai, India.   A famous French shipbuilder ship company and one from Monaco joined hands together to build this yacht with enormous dimensions... Its 58 meters long and 38 meters wide.   The yacht... with a floor area of 3400 M2 (36600 Sq. feet.) with accomodation for 12 passengers and 20 crew members.   This is a "green" yacht. It use green energy for 20-30% fuel savings and 40-50% electricity consumption on board.  Therefore it has 900M2 (9700 Sq. feet.) equipped with solar panels, producing a daily output of 500 kW. The Owner's Suite..!!!!   With an area of 200M2 (2150 Sq. feet.) it completely covers the third deck. This is the view of the bedroom and bathroom. The sea view is great and there is a private terrace of 25 meters length.   Three decks, a 25 meter pool, a spa, a heli-pad, a 100M2 (1080 Sq. feet.) sauna, gym and massage room, a promenade of 130M2 (1400 Sq....

Na Ngare Ikonde Kerosnabii, DSM . You’ve probably heard that men cheat for physical reasons, women for emotional reasons. Sure, there’s some truth to that, but when we asked real women around the country to share why they strayed from their boyfriends, we learned they had a whole host of explanations — from bad kissing to sheer revenge. Read on for the truth about why women have given in to temptation. Reason #1: There’s no passion “I had been with John for about three years — he was a really nice guy, and I enjoyed being with him, but there wasn’t a ton of passion. Most everyone we knew had gotten engaged, and though John would have proposed in a second, whenever he brought it up, I’d change the subject. I took a trip to Australia for work and while I was gone, I got together with a coworker to whom I’d always been insanely attracted. I had a fantastic trip, probably because for the first time in a long time I experienced that excitement I’d been missing. I broke up with John soon a...

A theology professor was teaching about proverbs 15:1. He asked his students, "Why do we shout in anger? Why do people shout at each other when they are upset? The students thought for a while. One of them said, because we lose our calm, we shout for that. "But why shout when the other person is just next to you?" asked the professor. "Isn't it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice? Why do you shout at a person when you are angry?" The students gave some other answers but none satisfied the professor. Finally he explained, "When two people are angry at each other, their hearts psychologically distance themselves. To cover the distance, they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will shout to hear each other through that great distance. Then the professor asked, "What happens when two people fall in love? They don't shout at each other but talk softly, why? Because thei...

Na Mwandishi wetu, JamiiForum Mh!!! Pemba nitarudi aiseeeee!!!! Habari wana JF? Mwenzenu nilikuwa Pemba nimerudi jana, nilipokuwa huko katika taasisi ile ile ninayofanyia kazi nilitokea kupendana na binti wa Kipemba!! Binti anajua kupenda jamani (Mapenzi in General), nimewatofautisha kabisa na wa bara!!! Ni msomi lakini myenyekevu, mtiifu, msikivu na muelewa achilia mbali asili yake ya Kiarabu aliyonayo iliyoongeza nakshi za urembo wake! Kiukweli kwa maisha ya ndani niliyoishi naye kwa kipindi cha wiki tatu ni tofauti na let say Wachaga au Wanyakyusa ambao lugha za command ni nyingi kiasi kwamba na mie nimejigundua kuwa nilikuwa naendana na mazingira yao (nakuwa mkali pia)! Mfano: Nilipokuwa na huyu Mpemba nimejikuta nakuwa Mpole isivyo kawaida hivyo nimejigundua nikikaa na binti asiye na lugha za kuplease nami nakuwa hivyo hivyo!! Kwa anayejua matatizo ya hawa watu ayashushe hapa jamvini coz nimekaa na...