KICHWANGUMU

siku nyingi kidogo sijamsikia kama ilivyo kawaida yake kutamba kwenye vyombo vya habari... ni maarufu kwa jina la NORA. wadau nihabarisheni...

1. Never wake up early: Keep stretching and turning in bed until you get too hungry to continue dozing. If there are no bedbugs, why hurry toget up? 2. Never plan how to spend your money: Whenever you get money,start spending it right away and when it is finished, try to count and recall how you spent it. 3. Don’t think of saving until you have real big money: How can you save when you earn so little? Those telling you to save are not sympathetic to your burning needs. 4. Don’t engage in activities usually reserved for the “uneducated”: How can you, a graduate, engage in petty trade or home- based production?That is for people who never went to school. 5. Don’t think of starting a business until an angel comes from heaven and gives you capital: How do they expect you to invest before you get millions of shillings? Even though more than half the businesses in your town were started with a few hundred shillings, you as a smart person can only start with ...

DAILY NEWS Reporter Daily News ; Friday,June 27, 2008 @00:03 Also in the News Teachers desert their employer in Mbeya for lack of quarters New telecom firm launched in Dar Aga Khan Hospital in 100m/- damages suit for delayed operation Karamagi’s wife on theft charges Rise in sexual offences worries MP Kagasheki outlines plans to curb accidents Govt to build offices at Mozambique border Schools must be built on merit, House told Release project funds timely, MP asks Zanzibar assured of slot in EAC funding The wife of former Minister of Energy and Minerals Nazir Karamagi, appeared yesterday before Kisutu Resident Magistrate’s Court in Dar es Salaam charged with theft of a mobile phone and gold chain, all valued at 245,000/-, property of one Maselina Rweyemamu. Nadia Karamagi, a Russian, denied the charge before Resident Magistrate John Msafiri and is out on bail but the accused was ordered to surrender to the court her passport and other travel documents. Each surety was required to sig...

TWO South Africans who were convicted of working as MDC-T leader Morgan Tsvangirai’s bodyguards without permits were yesterday fined $25 billion each for breaching immigration laws. If they fail to pay the fines, Sphiwe Elijah Nkosi (33) and Isaac Lekgoe (33), who were represented by Harare lawyer Mr Alex Mambosasa, would be locked up for four days. However, the court was silent on the State’s application seeking deportation of the duo after paying the fines or serving the sentence. Bofya hapo kwa taarifa zaidi. http://www.herald.co.zw/inside.aspx?sectid=698&cat=1

leo ndio siku yenyewe duniani kwa ajili ya kupiga vita ganja na aina zote za madawa ya kulevya! bofya link hiyo hapo chini kwa habari zaidi! http://dailynews.habarileo.co.tz/home/index.php?id=5447

wadau, katika pita pita yangu kwenye net, nikakutana na stori zifuatazo hapo chini. naomba mzitembelee wenyewe na kufanya maamuzi wenyewe! ni habari njema kwamba hata ughaibuni wanafahamu na kufuatilia mambo ya bongoland yetu! sikutarajia... http://www.bungetz.org/nyerere.htm http://www.bungetz.org/lowassa.htm

Kijana mmoja aliyekuwa akijiandaa kwa mahafali ya kuhitimu chuo kikuu , kwa muda mrefu alikuwa akiitamani gari moja ya kifahari ya kimichezo iliyokuwa ikiuzwa katika duka moja la magari , na akijua dhahiri kuwa baba yake ana uwezo wa kununua gari hilo na kumpa yeye kama zawadi yake kwa kuhitimu masomo vyema , na alimwambia baba yake kuwa hicho ni kitu alichokipenda mno . Kadri siku zilivyokuwa zikisogea kuelekea mahafali kijana huyo alisubiri kwa hamu kuona dalili za baba yake kumnunulia gari hilo . Siku ya siku ikafika na asubuhi ya siku hiyo ya mahafali , baba yake alimwita kwenye chumba chake cha kusomea na kumwambia ' Najivunia kuwa na mtoto bora kama wewe ' na pia akamwambia ni kwa kiwango gani anampenda . Akamkabidhi kijifurushi cha zawadi kilichofungwa vema kwenye karatasi safi za kufungia zawadi . Akiwa mwenye hamu kubwa lakini akiwa amekatishwa tam...

Je umebahatika kumpata mke wa enzi za jana ? Hivi kweli bado wapo katika zama hizi za haki sawa? Inawezekana kabisa kuwa na mtoto wa kike ni bonge la dili usawa huu! Kipi ni kipi, maana naona kizungumkuti!

A couple was invited to a masked costume Halloween party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his Batman costume (mask) and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain, and, as it was still early, decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought he would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when he was not with her. She put on a Goldilocks costume (mask). So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband enjoying himself on the dance floor, dancing with every nice woman he cuddled and occasionally giving a little kiss here and there. Wifey went up to him and being a rather seductive woman herself, her husband left his new partner devot...

A mother and a father were arguing on who is the most coward between them, after along argument they decided to ask their two kids who they think was the most coward between them. The first one says," Dad is the most coward one, he ’s scared of women. Whenever he sees a beautiful lady in town he closes his one eye." The second kid goes," That's nuttin; Mom is so scared to sleep alone, when Dad works nightshift, Mom sleeps with the man next door. Sometimes she invites the gardener to sleep with her."

v ipi upo safari unapata habari kwa yule uliyenae (hatujui ni nani umesafiri nae) safarini kwamba, wakati ulipotoka girlfriend wako alikupigia simu na hakukuachia ujumbe wowote (hatujui kama una girlfriend, ila umeoao na watoto wawili). baada ya siku moja ukiwa bado safari unafungua email yako unakuta ujumbe kutoka kwa mkeo kwamba alipata ajali kidogo tuu wakati anapaki pick-up lake alipotoka shopping, na kukusihi huna haja ya ku-hofu. lakini uliporudi safari baada ya wiki unakuta picha hiyo hapo juu.

A man was being chased by a lion in the jungle. As he gets tired and feels he can't run anymore he stands still and pray to the Almighty God "GOD WOULD YOU PLEASE MAKE THIS LION A CHRISTIAN, PLEASE?" As requested God made the lion a Christian. As it reaches him the lion Kneels down and prays to the same God, "THANK YOU LORD FOR PROVIDING THIS MEAL. BLESS AS WE EAT ,IN JESUS' NAME.AMEN" FOR MANY CHRISTIANS, PRAYER IS A CHALLENGE. PLEASE AS YOU PRAY BE SPECIFIC, TO EXACTLY WHAT ARE YOUR NEEDS. SPECIFY IN DETAILS WHAT YOU WANT. NOTE: So when you ask God to make you a millionaire don't forget to specify the currency, because you may become a millionaire in Zim dollars.

FIRST TESTIMONY: I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word... he knew better. SECOND TESTIMONY: I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said , "I think I like playing with men's balls." THIRD TESTIMONY: My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister starte...

One day, in line at the works cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I'd better see a doctor!" "Listen, don't waste your time down at the surgery," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at Tesco. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong, and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and only costs five quid.....a lot quicker and better than a doctor and you get Clubcard points". So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Tesco. He deposits five pounds and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks". That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some t...

After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization", a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it. Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?" Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!" Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam. " Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?" Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?" Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed. Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question. He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years o...

viunganishi vya vifaa vingine... vipumulio vya "CPU" kwa pembeni ya "keyboard" kama vinavyoonekana. "motherboard" inavyoonekana kwa ndani...

na cd pia "attached" kama inavyoonekana "log-off" na "switch-off" buttons nazo zipo! kama zinavyoonekana

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down... and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated pleasure device... a vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one. She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard," She screamed at him, "How could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!" The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll explain the toy . . you explain the kids."

Chris gets married, and on his Wedding night call his father to get some tips on what to do since he had never been with a woman before. "So what do I do first?" His father: "Take her clothes off and lay her on the bed" 5 minutes later Chris is on the phone again. "She's naked and in bed what do I do now?" His father can't believe what he is hearing, "Take your damn clothes off and get into bed with her." After another 5 minutes Chris is on the phone again. " Dad, I'm naked and in bed with her, what do I do now?" His father's patience is now running out so he says, " Shit son, do I have to spell everything out to you? Just put the hardest thing on your body where she pees. Good night !!!! Just when his father starts snoring, his son is on the phone again....................... "OK Dad, I have my head in the toilet bowl what do I do now?" "Drown yourself, you bloody idiot!"

Father : I want you to marry a girl of my choice. Son : "I will choose my own bride!" Father : "But the girl is Bill Gates 's daughter." Son : "Well, in that case...OK" Next Day Father approaches Bill Gates. Father : "I have a husband for your daughter." Bill Gates : "But my daughter is too young to marry!" Father : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank ." Bill Gates : "Ah, in that case... OK" Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank. Father : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president." President : "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!" Father : "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law." President : "Ah, in that case... OK" This is how business is done!! Moral: Even if you have nothing, you can get anything. But your attitude & approach should be positive.

Laila Ali is definitely glowing as a mother-to-be. Hapo kwa sasa ngumi pembeni, umama kwanza... utemi wote kwisha!