KICHWANGUMU

Bob works hard at the office but spends two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday. His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club. The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Bob! How ya doin?' His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. 'Oh no,' says Bob. 'He's in my bowling league. When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she know that you drink Budweiser?' 'I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.' A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says, 'Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?' Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the c

Wapenda ligi watatu walibishana kuwa nani amekubuhu kwa ubishi kati yao . Wakaamua kila mmoja ahadithie ubishi wa haja alomfanyia mkewe ili wapime nani kubobea zaidi kwenye hiyo fani. Mbishi 1 akasema: Mi siku moja nilivyokuwa nje ya nchi nilimpigia mke wangu simu usiku kafungua simu hakusema haloo...kulaleki! na mimi nikakaa kimya sikuongea mpaka alfajiri wakati simu ilikuwa wazi. Mbishi 2 akatia: Mbona hiyo cha mtoto, mi siku moja nimerudi home nikagonga mlango mke wangu akaufungua lkn hakusema karibu mume wangu...aliniangalia tu...nikaona analeta madharau! sikuingia ndani nikasimama hapo hapo mlangoni mpaka asubuhi...huyoo nikatimua zangu job. Mbishi 3 akaunganisha: Hiyo nayo mbona cha mtoto tu, mi mke wangu tulipooana alikuwa anaona haya kunigusa...ananidengulia eti! na mimi sikumgusa na mpaka leo hatugusani. Mbishi 1 na 2: Aaaaaaaah faza! acha usanii, nyie si mna watoto wawili lkn? Mbishi 3: Na hao watoto sijamuuliza kawaokota wapi vile vile... kw

A young Zimbabwean businessman on his first visit to Johannesburg goes to Monte casino to have a cold one as he sits there drinking; a young prostitute comes over to talk to him. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear, she gasps and runs away! Seeing this, an older, more experienced prostitute Takes over and tries to entertain the gentleman. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a Bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear And she screams, "No!" and quickly walks away. All the prostitutes are now so surprised that this Ordinary-looking man has asked for something so Outrageous that two of their colleagues would not Accept. The most experienced lady of the night, Lola, decides she will do whatever it is this man wants. Lola looks a bit tired, but she has never said no and it doesn't seem likely that she would today. So she goes over to the gentleman. They sit and talk, froli

People who take blood have been warned not to get the patient to tightly clench their fist during the procedure. UK researchers who examined 200,000 blood test results found clenching then relaxing the fist could raise potassium levels, potentially confusing results. Raised potassium levels can indicate kidney or heart problems, the Annals of Clinical Biochemistry study said. A UK expert said clenching was an outdated practice and staff taking blood should not ask patients to do so. Kwa habari zaidi, bofya hapo chini. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/7525932.stm

yanga ilianzishwa miaka mingi iliyopita na inasemekana ndo klabu kongwe na yenye mafanikio zaidi hapa nchini. klabu hii ilianzishwa na wazalendo halisi wa nchi hii waliokuwa wakiji shughulisha na uchuuzi wa nazi na samaki na muda wao wa jioni ulipofika walikuwa wakijumuika pamoja kusakata kabumbu na hapo ndipo ilizaliwa yanga. kama hiyo haitoshi wazalendo hawa waliendelea kujikusanya kwa pamoja na kuanza mishemishe za kusaka uhuru wa nchi hii, na ndipo tarehe 9 disemba mwaka 1961 tanganyika ikapata uhuru, hivyo kama tutazungumzia uhuru wa taifa hili basi hatusiti kwa namna moja au nyingine kuitaja yanga, na kwa heshima yake inatakiwa unapoitaja yanga kama umekaa basi unatakiwa usimame. MAFANIKIO. yanga ndio timu iliyochukua ubingwa wa ligi ya bara mara nyingi zaidi, na ndio klabu inayofahamika zaidi kitaifa na kimataifa kwa sababu ndiyo klabu iliyopeperusha vizuri bendela ya taifa hili la tanzania nje ya mipaka. na kama hiyo haitoshi yanga ndiyo klabu yenye washabiki wengi zaidi ndani

Wadau hii inasikitisha kidogo na inashabihiana na ukweli.Kuna mdadisi amesema kuwa "Mövenpick" ina maanisha "Move 'n' Pick"Kwamba investors wanaoendesha hotel katika lile jengo wamegundua kuwa Tanzania ni nchi ya kuingia na kuchukua (yaani "MOVE" 'n' "PICK" kwa Kiingereza)Kwanza alianza SHERATON akaingia pale akachukua na kutokomea within the tax holiday. Akafuata ROYAL PALM naye akaingia jengo hilo hilo na kuchukua utajiri. Aliyekuja sasa hivi ndio kaweka nia yake wazi kuwa wao ni "MOVE 'n' "PICK" Source: JAmiiForum

Wealth creation is not a matter of luck it is the result of applying an appropriate strategy. Although myself I am not Wealth, but I would like to get there. Here are seven wealth building secrets that can help all of us put together our own winning strategy to increase OUR personal wealth: Secret 1: Have a Strong Reason To Become Wealthy You need a stronger motivator than the money. What is the real benefit that you will receive from becoming wealthy? How will your life change for the better? Unless you have an emotionally strong reason to become wealthy, you are unlikely to do what it takes. Remember that mediocrity in the western world is a pretty good lifestyle than in Tanzania and it's easy to achieve. You need some special potential benefit to get you to go the extra mile and achieve wealth. If you dont have one, find one or join any serious Networking initiatives. Secret 2: Find a Strong Market Place Your wealth has to come from somewhere and that somewhere is called the mar

MAKALA NILIYOIPENDA WIKI HII:Utatu usio mtakatifu: Siasa, dini na biashara KUNA namna mbili kwa mtu kusafisha chumba chake; unaweza kufagia chumba, ukazoa takataka na kuzitupa. Lakini waweza pia kuzifagilia takataka chini ya jamvi. Ukifanya hilo la mwisho bado atakayeingia chumbani kwako ataona chumba kimesafishwa. Huko ni kujidanganya kwa mwenye chumba. Akiendelea na tabia hiyo, iko siku uchafu ule utaanza kuvunda na kunuka. Asipoinua jamvi kuondoa uchafu unaovunda iko siku ataambiwa na wengine; kuwa chumba chako kinanuka. Katika nchi yetu tumeanza kuona dalili za siasa kuchanganyika na dini na biashara. Huu ni utatu usio mtakatifu. Hapa kuna tatizo. Kuna takataka tunazozifagilia chini ya jamvi, kisha tunaimba; nchi yetu ni ya amani na utulivu. Kwamba nchi yetu ni safi kabisa. Kufanya hivyo si kuitendea haki nchi yetu tuliyozaliwa. Tatizo tunaliona. Ni wajibu wetu wa kizalendo kuzungumza kinagaubaga, kuwa hapa kuna tatizo. Maana Watanzania sisi tuna hulka ya ajabu kidogo. Wakati mwi

This dog was so faithful that the woman could leave her baby with it and go out to attend other matters. She always returned to find the child soundly asleep with the dog faithfully watching over him. One day something tragic happened. The woman as usual, left the baby in the 'hands' of this faithful dog and went out shopping. When she returned, she discovered rather a nasty scene. There was a total mess. The baby's cot was dismantled and his nappies and clothes torn to shreds with bloodstains all over the bedroom where she had left the child and the dog. Shocked, the woman wailed as she began looking for the baby. Presently, she saw the faithful dog emerging from under the bed. It was covered with blood and licking its mouth as it had just finished a delicious meal. The woman went berserk and assumed that the dog had devoured her baby. Without much thought she clubbed the dog to death. Butas she continued searching for the 'remains' of her child, s

By Vicky Ntetema BBC News Undercover filming with a witchdoctor I am living in hiding after I received threats because of my undercover work exposing the threat from witchdoctors to albinos living in Tanzania. I do not regret it, even if I am very scared. Mine is just one life, compared to the several thousand people living with albinism in the country. If nothing is done about this network, they could kill every albino in the country - estimates vary between 4,000 and 173,000. This year, at least 25 people with albinism have been killed, mostly in the Lake Victoria Zone, especially the Mwanza, Shinyanga and Mara areas. Winifrida Rutahiro (2nd left), her six-year-old son (3rd left) and Tabu Rutahiro (1st right) - Nyerere Rutahiro's daughter, Winifrida Rutahiro (2nd left) is one albino who fears for her life. They are being killed because local witchdoctors say their body parts provide the potent ingredient for magic charms, which many local people use to bring success in business a

This dog was so faithful that the woman could leave her baby with it and go out to attend other matters. She always returned to find the child soundly asleep with the dog faithfully watching over him. One day something tragic happened. The woman as usual, left the baby in the 'hands' of this faithful dog and went out shopping. When she returned, she discovered rather a nasty scene. There was a total mess. The baby's cot was dismantled and his nappies and clothes torn to shreds with bloodstains all over the bedroom where she had left the child and the dog. Shocked, the woman wailed as she began looking for the baby. Presently, she saw the faithful dog emerging from under the bed. It was covered with blood and licking its mouth as it had just finished a delicious meal. The woman went berserk and assumed that the dog had devoured her baby. Without much thought she clubbed the dog to death. Butas she continued searching for the 'remains' of her child,

A Mom comes to visit her son Kibo for dinner.....who lives with a girl roommate Manka. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Kibo's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Kibo and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Kibo volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Manka and I are just roommates." About a week later, Manka came! to Kibo saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the banana plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Kibo said ,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote : Dear Mother: I'm not saying that you 'did' take the banana plate from my house, I'm not

18/07/1918 to 17/07/2008 Nelson Mandela's greatest pleasure, his most private moment, is watching the sun set with the music of Handel or Tchaikovsky playing. Locked up in his cell during daylight hours, deprived of music, both these simple pleasures were denied him for decades. With his fellow prisoners, concerts were organised when possible, particularly at Christmas time, where they would sing. Nelson Mandela finds music very uplifting, and takes a keen interest not only in European classical music but also in African choral music and the many talents in South African music. But one voice stands out above all - that of Paul Robeson, whom he describes as our hero. The years in jail reinforced habits that were already entrenched: the disciplined eating regime of an athlete began in the 1940s, as did the early morning exercise. Still today Nelson Mandela is up by 4.30am, irrespective of how late he has worked the previous evening. By 5am he has begun his exercise routine that lasts

There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong. The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred. The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere. Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, 'Why don't we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it'll work !?'

"What would you do if I died? Would you get married again HUSBAND: "Definitely not!" WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?" HUSBAND: "Of course I do." WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?" HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again." WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)." HUSBAND: (makes audible groan). WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?" HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?" WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?" HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do." WIFE: "Would you play golf with her?" HUSBAND: "I guess so." WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?" HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed." WIFE: - - - silence - - - HUSBAND: "Sh*it." Nawakilisha...

OPINION 4 July 2008 Posted to the web 4 July 2008 by Abraham Tangwe The recent avalanche of insults and negative publicity directed towards Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe cannot leave any keen African observer indifferent. The idea is not to exonerate him from any wrongdoing per se. This is so because he is guilty of some, but hardly enough for us to be so hard on him. It is even more pathetic and frightful when an authoritative and respected iconic figure like Mandela decides to join in this dance of the Vampires. Our gullible natures have pushed us blindly into the waiting trap of western propaganda through the snares of their media entanglements, which is always tele-guided by their government policies. We are so happy, and sadly so, to sit back and take for gospel truth what somebody sits in a cozy office in Europe or America and tells us about something happening in our backyard. Otherwise, all these talk of insensitivity to the aspirations of the people, election rigger, dictator, in

Je, ni kweli wanaume ni ama ndio au hapana? (on or off) hakuna longo longo... na ubavu wako (yaani mkeo au mwandani wako) ni hadithi kibao... tunning za kumwaga na bado huna hakika kama umepatia!!! usijidanganye kama unaweza kumshinda kwenye mabishano!!! ladba baada ya kushinda na nanihii basi! na ukijifanya unajua sana kujibu, basi utazua mabishano yasiyoisha kila mwisho wa ubishi fulani... habari ndo hiyo! hii inaka-ukweli... umeshawahi kumsindikiza bibie shopping? kama ni mtu wa kilaji lazima u-paki pahala uendelee na yeye aendelee na mizunguko ya shopping then akimaliza akukute!!! sijui ni kwanini wanakuwa wazito sana kwenye maamuzi. hasa "shopping"... kunani? NAWAKILISHA...

kamanda wa kanda maalumu ya kipolisi mkoa wa dar afande suleiman kova wiki hii ametoa wazo kwamba ili kusaidia kupambana na uhalifu kamera za cctv ziwekwe kwenye kila gesti na hoteli ili kila anayeingia humo ajulikane na kama ni mhalifu iwe rahisi kumnasa. wadau hii imekaaje? hakuishia hapo. pia kamanda kova ametoa hadharani namba yake ya simu ya kiganja anbayo ni +255754034224 ili wadau wampigie muda wowote kutoa taarifa za uhalifu

Hapa chini ni email iliyotumwa na mtu aliyejitambulisha mwishoni akilalama juu ya wizi wa vifaa vya magari kwenye Parking mbalimbali mjini. Matatizo kama haya nimesikia kutokea Mlimani city pia. Wadau wajihadhari. "this is useful to all." Beware Shoppers shopping at Shoprite - Kamata Branch I am a regular shopper shopping at various supermarkets and chains of stores on weekends with my family. On 29th June 2008 I went for shopping at Shoprite which is next to kamata (on Pugu road) parking my vehicle in the shoprite compound as I normally do outside all supermarkets and reputable stores; I went in for shopping. at 3:45pm knowing the fact that at 4pm they close the supermarket. On my way out I read a sign saying that all purchases above Tshs 20,000/- qualify for a free 1.5 litre of Dasani water and I got my free bottle from their duty manager, Ms. Zakia. Coming out of the supermarket I noticed that my vehicle Vitara's doors were open and all power windows from all the doo

Computer Support: HELPDESK Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop'. Customer: 'OK'. Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'. Customer: 'No'. Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?' Customer: 'No'. Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'. Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click''. Call centre conversations !!!!! Customer: 'I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?'. Operator: 'Where did you get that number from, sir?'. Customer: 'It was on the door to the Travel Centre'. Operator: 'Sir, they are our opening hours'. TTCL Electronics call center Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?' O